A brand new year is approaching and I am, like many others, reflecting on the growth and changes this past year has brought. I don't make a resolution every year, but last year I did: I resolved to be happy.
Happiness: State of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy. (wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn)
I really focused on the word "contentment" in that definition. The year prior to this (2011) was a difficult year for me for many reasons: a difficult pregnancy, a move to a new state, a husband on deployment and all the uncertainty that comes with that, and an entire list more that I'm sure would bore many to read. By the end of 2011, I was a miserable mess. I was surrounded by people, but I never felt more alone. You know that feeling? It doesn't just suddenly change, you have to actively shake it off. Sometimes it takes a very long time, and maybe more effort than you feel like you can muster.
And so I rallied, and resolved to be happy. You've heard that saying, "You're only has happy as you want to be." I remember someone saying that to me at my low point and I wanted to punch their sweet face. I thought, "You think I want to be this unhappy?! If I could change it I would!" But they were right, and I was looking at happiness all wrong.
Happiness for me is not that giddy, euphoric, punch drunk, sky high feeling. It's looking directly at the hand I've been dealt and playing that hand for all the marbles. It's living out the Serenity Prayer: Accepting the unchangeable, and changing what I can. It's abiding in the present, not wishing for things to be the way they were, or assuming things will be better in the future. It's contentment, even when things aren't going my way. And believe me, right now some big things do not appear to be going my way.
Yet, I am grateful. And I've experienced more genuine happiness this year, despite some unpleasant circumstances, than I have in many years prior. I am thankful to God I am here, both physically, emotionally, and spiritually. And I'll make a resolution for the coming year also, one that keeps me on the road of contentment, one that tattoos happiness on my heart.
