But I do try to be better. This desire to try stems directly from my faith. I believe in God, the Holy Trinity, three persons in one: God the Father, God the Son (Jesus) and God the Holy Spirit. I believe what it says in John 3:16 that God loves us so much, He sent His son to die on our behalf, a sacrificial love without condition. He died for all men, regardless of race, gender, creed, color, political party or sexual orientation. He loves us equally, and does not rank one sin above another. So my binge drinking and your murder are the same in the eyes of God, though they carry different consequences.
I believe the Holy Spirit convicts the hearts of those in which it resides. Christians on this earth have their own unique walk, despite a belief in the same God, because each relationship with God is deeply personal. It's not one size fits all. He is one God, who shows Himself in a trillion different ways. But there is one banner that should unify us all, it should be the light that guides the lost home, the beacon that shines through the darkness that overruns this world.
That banner is Love.
1 John 4:7-12 says, "Beloved let us love one another. For love is from God and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love, does not know God, because God is love. In this, the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent His only Son into the world so that we might live through Him. In this love, not that we have loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. No man has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and His love is perfected in us."
God loved us. We ought to love. And by extension, we see God through the love we have for each other. Do you know when I've seen God?
The day my children were born, I saw Him. There He was, in their tiny faces. There He still is, in their innocence and acceptance.
I saw Him in the form of my dear friend, who endured so much pain and tragedy and still she cared for herself and her sisters, and still she does. I still see Him in her, every time I talk to her.
I see Him in a fairy godmother, one who probably doesn't know how much I look up to her from afar, and how much I wish I could be her kind of selfless.
I saw Him in the form of a group of people, in a ceremony by a river. He was there, in the words of a Wiccan who probably didn't know she was being used to touch the life of the broken and exhausted woman who listened to her.
I saw Him in the actions of my cousin, who stood by me when my life fell apart, who without a sure faith herself, encouraged me to pray.
I see Him in my (former) brother in laws, who continue to love and accept me, even though they don't have to. Even though we don't believe the same things, have different lifestyles, etc.
I see Him in my future mother in law, who glows with sweetness, despite the unspeakable heartache she has endured.
I see Him in my fiancé, who daily exemplifies kindness, generosity, patience, and understanding.
I see Him in people who don't even profess to believe in Him. That's how great a God He is. That's how precious His children are to Him, that He uses them for good, even when they are unaware.
I'm not a good person, and I fail often to live up to the expectations I set upon myself. But I hope that you know that I am trying, and I hope I can exemplify someday that Love I have seen in so many people around me, believers and non believers alike.
That Love is the greatest of all.
