As I look around my new bedroom, I see half a dozen boxes yet to be unpacked, laundry scattered across the floor, shoes dumped haphazardly in the closet. I know that outside of my bedroom door, the kids rooms and the living spaces are much the same as we strive to somehow settle into this place while still dealing with the dailies of laundry, dishes, school, work, meals, homework, bath times and bed times.
It's nearly one in the morning, and I'm acclimating to the new noises. When I hear the tenants upstairs, walking about at night, I startle, always thinking it's the kids getting up. Tonight, someone in the parking lot, which is right outside my bedroom window, was blasting music at a deafening volume. The baseboard heaters "click" when they turn on.
No amount of ambient noises will disturb the inner peace I feel in this place. This is my sanctuary. My haven. The refuge for my children and me. It is untouched by the past. It is one step closer to our future, a dream future, away from this irrigated desert landscape, with its broken promises and its shallow dreams. One step closer to rainy days, and green earth, and nights spent wrapped in strong, loving arms.
I recently read an article that said happiness is gained only by our ability to deal with the negative.
"Life," as Wesley told Buttercup, "is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
It is, and this past decade has seen no shortage of it. But it is also full of wonder, and here I sit, in awe of the circumstances, the pain, that has brought me to some of the happiest moments I have ever experienced.
This moment has been years in the making, sparked by tragedy, but lighting an ember that has burned in my heart. I cannot fear the future, knowing that I would walk through dark valleys again just for this very moment, to feel this ember alight and alive in my spirit; to feel the fire of purpose and determination; to feel the heat of ardent love.
I am thankful to God for each step leading up to now, even the painful steps because without them I wouldn't know the joys of now. And I wouldn't trade now for all of the yesterdays.
In this moment, I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
This moment has been years in the making, sparked by tragedy, but lighting an ember that has burned in my heart. I cannot fear the future, knowing that I would walk through dark valleys again just for this very moment, to feel this ember alight and alive in my spirit; to feel the fire of purpose and determination; to feel the heat of ardent love.
I am thankful to God for each step leading up to now, even the painful steps because without them I wouldn't know the joys of now. And I wouldn't trade now for all of the yesterdays.
In this moment, I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
