The 45th Parallel

"Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird but it's true, because no good marriage ever ended in divorce." - Louis C.K.

Friday night I was driving with the kids toward Salem, OR. At one point we passed a sign that said "The 45th parallel: half way between the equator and the north pole." It reminded me of the first time I crossed the continental divide, a moment made intrinsically valuable for no other reason than I had never been there before, and was excited about what was on the other side.

On the other side of the 45th Parallel is Müsh.

Interactions with him make me more and less of what I am: More peaceful, less worried. More loving, less hateful. More forgiving, less bitter. More calm, less angry. More secure, less vulnerable. This is accomplished in one way, in my opinion - he simply lets me be. Extraordinary.

I started this post with that quote because I feel there is an expectation of certain behavior, particularly in the Christian community, during a divorce. I myself have lain expectations on people in the past of what I feel their behavior should have been at a time like this.

I've had to go back and eat the well meaning advice I gave to them, a massive serving of humble and "walk a mile" pie.

The process of divorce is quite terrible. But the results, at least of mine, have been astronomically better than the entirety of my marriage. What I've learned about God, love and about myself in the last six months is more knowledge than I've gained in the 12 years I was with the Marine. Hard won, to be sure, but worth it, because now I get to experience something totally new: being valued in a relationship for who I am, not for who I could be if I work super, super hard at it all of the time.

Müsh is someone I've known for years, a member of a family I love dearly. Consequently, he's seen me at some of the worst moments of my life, at my most unguarded and imperfect. And it was, in fact, in one of those moments that he saw something of worth in me. Imagine being esteemed when you are at your lowest point. Like I said, extraordinary.

One moment with him is worth more than thousands without him. One day with him brings more joy and laughter than years prior. So don't pity me for the break of my marriage. Don't feel sad for me, because things didn't work "as they should have."

All is exactly as it should be, because love grows on either side of the parallel.