Of Mice and Mush and Free Rides.

I must have been dreaming about Mush during my nap yesterday, because I woke up, looked over at him and said, "It occurs to me that you are very, very easy to love." 

It's not just because there is so much about him that I adore, or that his personality is such that I can't help but be drawn to him (and that's been true for long before I fell in love with him) - it's also that he is contrasted with someone who was very difficult to love; someone who would tell you that I failed in my efforts to love him, as evidenced by him leaving. 

One of my Facebook friends must be going through something similar because she put this on her wall:

Truer words were never spoken, I said. 

My cousin likes to tell me that in this relationship with Mush, we have no choice but to be successful. 

"Why is that?" I asked her. 

"Because the bar is set so low for both of you, you're bound to be happy with anyone else, not to mention someone who is actually amazing."

My ex was difficult to love. He still is. In fact, we got into an argument tonight over something that should have been a non-issue. It descended quickly into madness, and him telling me that he was certain my whole reason for marrying him was because I was a "typical woman who just wanted a free ride in life." 

Aside from my incredulity over such an ignorant - and slightly chauvinist - remark, I thought to myself, "A free ride? My God, if the last eleven years with him was a free ride, I shudder to think of what a paying customer would have to go through." 

I cannot stress to you what a contrast it is between the relationship I have with Mush and the one I had with my ex. A good day with the ex was him not telling me, "I don't love you." A great day was when he would spontaneously show me some sign of affection. We had few great days, some good days and a lot of really bad ones where I wondered what I was doing wrong and why this wasn't working. 

A good day with Mush is every time I see him. I've never felt such happiness as I do when I am with him, no matter what it is we are doing, whether special trips to four story bookstores or sitting side by side on the couch watching the antics of the kids. 

Here's some more contrast: 

Where the ex called me serious and without humor, Mush laughs with me all of the time.

Where the ex only read when he had to, Mush rarely visits without a book.

Where the ex used music as background noise, Mush quotes lyrics that remind him of me. 

Where the ex thought little to nothing of my value as a mother, Mush tells me daily what a great mom I am. 

Where the ex called our children "consequences" of my decisions (don't even get me started), Mush loves my kids because they are a part of me.

Where the ex pushed me away, Mush draws me closer.

Where the ex let me go, Mush holds me tighter. 

Where the ex finds me worthless, Mush finds me priceless.

Does anyone continue to wonder why on earth I'm so happy right now?

God used an event where I couldn't see light for a long time to bring about a blessing I never, ever imagined for myself. He shows me again how limited my understanding is of His ways, and I can't thank Him enough for what He was brought about in my life. 

I never knew there could be love like this until now.