Almost exactly a year ago, I sat on a beach in Waikiki. It was a warm night, with a soft breeze and the waves rolled to shore in front of me, and I was telling the person who sat next to me that I didn't know why I couldn't just let "it" go. I spent over two weeks in Hawaii last year, and I learned a lot on that trip. But I never did learn how to let "it" go.
All day I've been repeating to myself that saying, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing exactly the same way and expecting a different result." I'm finally coming to the realization that I can hold on, and try, and pray and cry and scream, and claw and cling with all my might, but it won't change. And I can't force it to. I am, in fact, powerless to.
It's hard to accept that. It's just as hard for me to accept what I can't change as it is for me to realize by letting go, everything will change. Just not in the way I wanted. Not in the way that I planned.
There is a verse that I always think of when I am faced with making any sort of decisions: A man plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. (Prov. 16:9) I just never think about God directing me through the darker places life takes me. I typically think of myself as having wandered there, like the metaphorical lost sheep. But maybe there are times when we don't choose to wander the valley, that's just where the road leads.
In the darkest hours of Life it is difficult/or impossible to see God's Light and Love, that doesn't mean He isn't/wasn't beside us. Have lost track of the number of times have read Psalms 23:4 and then the whole 6 verses trying to find comfort. Only that He walks beside me. Also the Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi (sp?) has been posted where I can read it daily during other times. -Grandma C
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