Fact: I had no idea that Facebook kept so many messages from so long ago, even from people you aren't friends with/don't have a profile anymore. I'm glad of this, because it allowed me to reference a message a friend wrote me a year and a half ago that I recently was trying to recall. I remember she gave me some fantastic advice, because I was really struggling emotionally at the time. She told me to think of where I wanted to be in five years, and how would I get there. I really did think about it, and I even journaled about it later that night.
What I failed to remember is that I had articulated to her very well where I didn't want to be in five years, and I wrote at the end of the paragraph that I was starting to realize that "no matter how much I change, I can't change____." Looking back on that, I feel a little sad for the Kate that was; so scared and hurt, and feeling unable to change things herself.
A year and a half later, what I said remains. No matter how much I've further changed, the circumstances haven't. But this time, I am not afraid of what I need to do to change it. Actually, that's not true, I am afraid. I've just presently decided to be brave, to face the pain and uncertainty instead of hiding from it.
And maybe in three and a half years, future Kate can look back and be thankful she didn't waste anymore time on fear.
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