It's good advice, and I started putting it into practice this weekend. In doing so, I discovered something about myself, and that is that I expect tit for tat on my positivity. If I am going out of my way to find the positive in you, then you had better turn right back around and find something in me too. If I do a good thing for you, then you need to do one for me too.
When did I get like that?
Somewhere along the course of my relationships (not all, but one especially), I stopped doing things out of love and started doing them only if I felt I could get something back. And then I started thinking if I'm on a love and goodness kick, you better get on board and be doing the same, because otherwise I'll feel hurt by your lack of response and then I'll make your life miserable.
Reading that all written out is shocking, but I think it often enough. I've slipped into this sort of weird mindset of expecting appreciation, and responding with retaliation when I don't get it. And this is my attitude toward people I claim to love. That doesn't sound like love to me, and I'm sure it doesn't feel like it to them.
I was taught at a young age to "do unto others what you would have them do unto you." We've all heard it: Treat people the way you want to be treated. How would I feel if every time someone did something nice for me, or complimented me, or praised me, they turned around and said, "Ok, you're turn." And if I didn't deliver, suddenly I am the target of their anger. I couldn't live like that, yet I expect other people to. Hmm...
So I have another resolution for this year: Treat people the way I want to be treated, without expecting the same in return. I can't help but feel optimistic that if I can manage to do that most of the time it will solve a lot of internal conflict, and put my heart back where it belongs.
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